It Goes Bump In The Night
by NerdySkeleton
Summary: There's absolutely NO such thing as monsters. They don't live in your closet, and they certainly don't hide under your bed...Right? Rated T for minor swearing and blood, gore, and violence.
1. Valkyrie

Man, I should probably stop posting a jillion stories now. I just want to do something neeeew~ Whatever. I'm SO close to 100 chapters of **His and Her Broken Bones**. FDSJSFDAFDAS I CAN'T BREATHE IT'S SO AWESOME.

Bathroom idea. This will be short, probably only a few chapters.

* * *

Valkyrie Cain kissed Skulduggery Pleasant goodbye, his hands and lips probably lingering on her longer than normal.

"You have to go and meet your Elder friend," she muttered.

Skulduggery smiled with his waxy skin. "Ghastly hates it when you call him that," he replied. "And besides, he probably forgot, what with the fact that he's had his hands _all over_ Tanith lately. Makes me wonder why I haven't abandoned everything to spend my moments with you."

"Oh, excuse me, I'm dying and gagging from that last line."

"I _do_ have a way with words."

Valkyrie smiled, leaning against the doorway to Gordon's mansion. "Leave," she said to the skeleton who had just begun forcing himself inside the house.

"But my house is cold. And I don't like it. And it doesn't have you," he partially whined, sagging when Valkyrie shook her head.

"You have to go right now, and I have to go to bed and _sleep_ because I'm tired because you woke me up at five this morning because you're an idiot."

Skulduggery frowned and rested his head against Valkyrie's shoulder. "_Fine_, I'll go. I'm not happy, though."

"Okay, yeah, bye then."

Valkyrie quickly shoved Skulduggery from the house and shut the door. She laughed as Skulduggery huffed sadly, and then turned and headed into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and shuffled upstairs. She quickly showered and put on her pajamas.

_Creeeeeak!_

Valkyrie rotated on the spot slowly, setting her hairbrush down. She stared at her suddenly open window, absolutely positive that it wasn't open a few minutes ago. Valkyrie shut and bolted the window. She looked over to her now open closet door.

"I think I need more sleep," she mumbled to herself, shutting the door with a slam. She reached for her water, but suddenly stopped at horrifying sound.

_Screeeeeeech!_

Valkyrie spun quickly, clicking a fireball into her hands so she could see through the dark. She watched in utter horror as a figure dressed head to toe in black emerged from the closet. They had long black hair, with coal colored eyes. Her skin was white as snow, and the only color on her was her blood red lipstick.

Valkyrie remained frozen, realizing exactly who that was. "You can't touch me," she said weakly, dropping her glass of water. "You aren't real, and I'm not afraid of you."

Darquesse grinned, crunching her thick boots on a thigh bone. "Are you sure? Perhaps you're not real. You're the fake and naïve girl before I was created. People only know about Darquesse, not silly Valkyrie Cain.

"I – You can't – !" Valkyrie attempted, but she was cut off when Darquesse flew across the room to her. She swung a fist, catching Valkyrie square in the jaw. Defenseless and scared stupid, Valkyrie allowed herself to be cornered. Darquesse loomed over her. Her shadows coiled around her, rising and disappearing into puffs of smoke. Tendrils snaked through her silky hair, lifting it up, like a breeze would. Valkyrie took a breath and raised her own fist, but Darquesse stopped it with her shadows. Her hands caught Valkyrie's neck and throat, stopping her from talking.

"You're stupid," Darquesse simply said. "You could be much more than whatever the hell you're doing with your life now. Seriously, what _are_ you doing? I mean, for starters, you're together with Skulduggery, which is just weird. He's always loved you, just in that platonic sort of way."

Valkyrie squirmed, but Darquesse kept her grip. "You're absolutely pathetic. I should just kill you right now."

Her shadows instantly sharpened. Before they could stab Valkyrie, she kicked her legs up and shot Darquesse across the room. She snarled, waving her hand and sending the blackness towards Valkyrie. Valkyrie, however, managed to dodge the shadows, seeing in how she _knew_ what Darquesse would do, as they were one of the same. Valkyrie stumbled forward and cracked the glass of water she had dropped over Darquesse's head. She gripped her arms and pulled on them hard, putting her knees onto her back. Darquesse struggled against Valkyrie's bonds, but she couldn't break free.

"You'll never be as great as me, you know," she sputtered. "Everyone would know your name, and there'd be nothing pulling Skulduggery away from you."

"Shut up."

Darquesse cracked a smile, and then ripped her arms from Valkyrie's grip and dashed back into the closet. Valkyrie growled, getting up and marching over to her closet. She thrust open the door, but there was no crazy, murderer version of herself there; just clothes and shoes.

She sighed heavily and resolved to never tell a soul that her very worst nightmare came to life.

* * *

Like? Hate? Neutral? Do tell!

I'm gonna be away for a few days (actually, just the rest of Saturday, all of Sunday, and then a bit of Monday). But point is that I won't answer any reviews or whatever.

I'm sorry this is kinda weird and stupid and short. I didn't really want anything to make sense, because it'll all make sense _later_. I think. Most likely.

Kay, thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :D


	2. Fletcher

I'm liking the responses for this so far :) I just gotta say to **seriously**, romance/Valduggery isn't the main aspect of this. I just kinda threw that in there. There's really not going to be much, so there.

**Vague Mortal Coil spoilers.

* * *

**

Fletcher Renn shut the door to his apartment and collapsed onto his sofa. He threw a magazine across the room in a fit of exasperation. He just didn't understand why someone would _want_ to "ship" 500 pounds of tuna across the world. All he really wanted to do was crawl into bed and somehow get rid of the dead fish smell lingering on his shirt. Fletcher got up from his sofa and stumbled into his room. He threw off his jeans and chucked them in a corner and slipped on his PJ pants. He ripped his shirt off, throwing it into his open closet, slamming the door to it shut. Fletcher begrudgingly brushed his teeth, glaring, and being all around cranky.

He shut his bathroom and bedroom lights off and almost flopped onto his bed when something hit his face. He flailed as he pulled in T-shirt he had just worn off of his face.

Fletcher looked up and screamed.

Two people were emerging from his crowded closet. One was a tall and handsome man, with chocolate hair. His eyes were a shining blue. He was holding the hand of a shorter and plump woman, her green eyes and blond hair shining.

"Son, I am disappointed," the man, named Crossfire Lost, said.

"Why couldn't you be more like your father?" Ivory Frost, the woman, said.

Fletcher stood still, only blinking.

"This is no way to treat your long-lost parents!" Crossfire shouted suddenly, brandishing a spear from out of nowhere. Ivory's hands turned an icy blue, and Fletcher could see his breath it was so cold. The sudden attack caught Fletcher off guard; he was still just standing there, shell-shocked.

"You…you guys are dead," he said, shivering.

"You wish," Ivory said, blood running from the slice on her neck like syrup.

"Son," Crossfire said, "you've thrown your life away. You had such a life with that Valkyrie Cain, and now you've gone and lost her to a dead man. You will _never_ be apart of their group; you'll always just be expendable."

"Dear, face it," Ivory continued, "you will never be liked. You're a horrible person, with a horrible personality. Valkyrie Cain was only with you because she took pity on you. She's far happier with this dead man you want to be like so much."

"Really, no one cares about you."

Fletcher chocked on his breath, their words stinging. "No, no, they do."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," he said loudly. "I have friends, unlike you two. I care about people, not my job. I'm annoying as heck, yeah, but who even cares?"

"_No one_!" Crossfire bellowed, throwing his spear. Fletcher tried dodging it, but his feet were encased in huge blocks of ice. The spear soared over Fletcher's head, landing in something. Fletcher panicked and craned his neck to look, and he screamed again.

Valkyrie Cain was pinned against the wall, the giant spear sticking out of her chest. Her face was scrunched in pain permanently, and blood came out in a steady stream. Her arms and legs hung limply, while her eyes were vacant.

"You awful people!" Fletcher shouted angrily, suddenly free from the ice on his feet.

"Don't use that tone with your mother," Ivory said sternly, extending icicles from her fingers. She stalked up to her son and dragged one icicle across his cheek, drawing blood. He didn't even flinch; he just stood there and stared.

Crossfire strolled up, tilting his head at just the right angle so Fletcher could see the bullet hole in his skull. "I wish I hadn't taken that bullet for you," he said simply. "You'd be better off dead."

He grabbed his spear out of Valkyrie's dead body, ignoring the sound her body made as it toppled to the floor. She landed on her arms, and they gave off a resounding crack that echoed through Fletcher's small bedroom. Crossfire leaned on his weapon heavily, pressing the tip into his son's bare chest, drawing more blood. Fletcher grunted with pain for a moment, but recovered quickly and suddenly teleported to across the room, grabbing a can of deodorant. He waited for his mother to turn around, and he chucked it at her. Crossfire snarled angrily, preparing to throw his spear again, but a hand suddenly gripped his shoulder and pushed forcefully. Strong legs pushed into his back, pressing onto his spine, breaking it with a _crack_.

Ivory Frost struggled against her attacker, and Fletcher realized they were just plain black figures. They had no features and made no noise. The black figure looked up at Fletcher, and he could tell it was smiling.

"I miss you," it said quietly. "Why don't you let me back in? I could help you become more and more powerful day by day. You could have everything and everyone you _ever_ wanted."

Fletcher shuddered at the Remnant's voice, remembering their assault on him, which caused him to almost kill Valkyrie. "Get out of here," he muttered, reaching for a lamp. "I swear I will kill you."

Their forms were different, but Fletcher knew they were the Remnants.

"How can you?" the other Remnant answered, taunting him. "We won't die. We will never die. You aren't strong enough to kill us. We-"

Fletcher shouted in anger, hurling the lamp, wincing as it crashed onto the floor. He took a shocked step back, noticing everything was gone. Valkyrie's dead body wasn't there, and his parents were nowhere to be seen. The Remnants had disappeared too. Fletcher shakily reached up to touch his cheek and chest where he had been cut, and he was horrified to find that small droplets of blood were still oozing from his wounds.

He shuddered and moaned, making a promise to himself to never tell a soul about this.

* * *

I'm kind of having fun with this.

WHAT I'M NOT HAVING FUN WITH IS LIFE.

Reasons why:

One: I went to my homecoming and it was the worst thing I have ever done. It was disgusting because everyone was just GRINDING and GRINDING against everyone else and I was really tired and cranky.

Two: The guy that I like (who shall be called **BMW**) gave me his hoodie the other day when he, a group of my female friends, and I walked down to our previous school because it was raining cats/dogs/men. I had it for a few days, and I gave it back to him recently. And he's really cute and I love him, and I'm not sure he has a girlfriend because I heard that he did, but also that he didn't. So yeah.

Three: The awful girls in my lab group were making fun of me on Facebook and I saw it. This was all because I wouldn't let them copy my work; this makes me a "poor sport". So now I refuse to speak to them, and I will not offer any help to them since they are too stupid to even comprehend the English language and do not give a crap about school.

So yeah. Friday was kind of fun. Friday was the football (the American football, not the British football) game where it was my school versus our major rival school AND WE KICKED THEIR BUUUUUTTS. It was 42- 28 in case you were curious :3

Anyway, I'm kind of satisfied with this chapter, but I find it kind of rushed and disjointed. So, sorry about that. (Especially to you, **Mademise Morte**, since I'm thinking of you and your critiques as I'm typing out this note :D)

Anyway, hope you like it and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	3. Tanith

Man, I love you guys :)

**Epically epic Mortal Coil spoilers! Well…I guess not really…Eh, whatever. If you read Mortal Coil, you'd know what I was referring to.

* * *

**

Tanith Low sighed in relief as she threw her sword on her kitchen table, wincing as an empty glass and book fell off and landed loudly. She huffed and threw her items back on the table, and then took off her coat, hanging it in her coat closet nicely, picking off some dirt and dust. She entered the small hallway leading to her bathroom. She grabbed a tower from her linen closet and took a very fast shower. Tanith smiled widely as the hot water ran down her, removing the aches in her body.

She hopped out from the shower and deposited her clothes in her hamper. Tanith hugged the tower to her body tightly, bracing herself against the cold air in her hallway. She bolted from the bathroom, moaning loudly as her body became covered with goosebumps. She ran into her bedroom, throwing open her closet and grabbing her pajamas. She dressed quickly, throwing the towel in the corner of her room.

She took a breath and fell face first onto her bed, groaning at its warmth.

And then she heard them.

One.

Two.

Three doors shut at three different times.

Tanith sprang up, noticing that the loudest slam had come from behind her. Her eyes searched around her room, but she didn't see anything.

But then she heard small and precise and loud and sloppy footsteps on her wooden floors outside of her room. Growling, Tanith reached for the closest and pointiest object she could find, which just happened to be a pencil. The door to her bedroom opened slowly and she prepared to fling her pencil at whoever it was.

"Howdy," Billy-Ray Sanguine said cheerfully, revealing his straight-razor. The White Cleaver stepped in after him silently, his scythe held in his hands tightly. A strong hand suddenly grabbed Tanith's mouth, and another hand gripped her waist, tugging her backwards. In a moment, both Sanguine and the White Cleaver had advanced onto her, their weapons drawn and ready to strike. The other figure who had pulled her back stepped into view, and Tanith noticed they were just black. They had no features; they were just a figure.

"Remember me?" he hissed.

Tanith's breath caught as she realized who it was. "We…Skulduggery…I…"

The Remnant laughed darkly, his hand rubbing his head. "Please shut up," he said. "You're giving me a headache. And besides, Mr. Sanguine wants to have a word with you."

Sanguine removed his trademark sunglasses and smiled wickedly. He strolled up to her, and for a moment, Tanith thought he was going to kill her. Instead, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. Tanith remained rigid, not even daring to touch Sanguine. His lips traveled up her neck, giving light kisses. His mouth paused at her ear and he whispered, "I want you."

Tanith groaned and attempted to shove him off of her, but he kept a tight grip.

"Tanith?" a new voice called out. They sounded confused.

Sanguine smirked and stepped away so Tanith could see. She gasped and screamed as the White Cleaver suddenly brought down his scythe onto Ghastly Bespoke's back. The tip tore into his flesh, and he lurched forward in pain. His white shirt was now soaked with blood, and it pooled onto the floor in front of him. Ghastly opened his mouth and tried to mutter something, but he fell to the ground before he could.

Tanith stood, horrified. "W-What is this? Who are you people?"

"Well, first of all, I'm William-Raymond Sanguine, but my enemies call me Billy-Ray. That guy there is the White Cle-"

"I know who you are!" Tanith shouted loudly. "What are you doing? How is this possible? Remnants don't look like that!"

"Remnants look like whatever they heck they want to look like," The Remnant said casually, picking at his fingers.

Tanith took a deep breath and tried to calmly assess the situation. She looked at the White Cleaver, his scythe gleaming with Ghastly's blood. His face was covered like normal.

Sanguine was still standing in front of Tanith, a broad grin on. His hands were in his pockets, and through his sunglasses and eyeholes, Tanith could tell that he was staring at her.

The Remnant was now walking towards Tanith. He stepped on Ghastly's arm, and Tanith heard it crack loudly. She gasped and choked on the air.

Tanith acted fast. She swung her leg out and kicked at Sanguine, but he dodged it. The Remnant took a leap and kicked Tanith in the chest. The White Cleaver sped towards the struggling two, his scythe dripping blood and ready to attack. He brought his weapon down on Tanith's arm and cut it deeply, and blood began to spurt out like a fountain. The Remnant pressed his hands onto the wound, causing blood to seep through his black fingers. His featureless face began leaning closer to Tanith's, and she suddenly realized what he was trying to do.

Tanith twisted her body this way and that, trying to break free of The Remnant's grip. He only held her tighter. She felt him getting closer and closer and beginning to force his essence into her mouth.

But then something stabbed into The Remnant's chest, and he collapsed onto Tanith. She threw him off quickly but was suddenly pinned down by something sharp.

She looked up. Her lip quivered. Standing in front of her was Valkyrie Cain, the Death Bringer, or as she was better known as: Darquesse.

"I can't believe that stupid cleaver beat me to killing off Ghastly," she muttered angrily, flicking her shadows out and away from her. Tanith watched them disappear through her door and return back quickly with her own sword. Valkyrie caught the weapon neatly in her hand and swung it around menacingly.

Tanith, acting smartly, jumped up and punched and kicked at Darquesse before she could deliver and damage. Valkyrie let her grip on the sword loosen slightly, and so Tanith grabbed it and drove the blade quickly into Darquesse's chest.

She stood frozen, her blood pooling out on the carpet. "You…I'll kill you next. I'll kill you all."

Tanith opened her mouth to say something, but strong arms grabbed her from behind and swung her across the room. Her head hit the wall, and she blacked out for a few moments.

When she came too, Tanith was all alone. She gasped at the pools of blood still on her floors and her painful arm. She quickly bandaged the wound and sighed, knowing that no one could ever know what just happened.

* * *

Blargh, I'm having some fun coming up with torture with these characters. I dunno, I think this one wasn't absolutely awful, but there's something about it that kinda bugs me…Thoughts? Questions? Comments?

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


	4. Skulduggery

Skulduggery Pleasant cut the engine to his Bentley and rushed into his old home on Cemetery Road. He shut and locked his front door and closed the curtains.

He would much rather be with Valkyrie, but nooo, she had to go to bed. Skulduggery unhappily shrugged off his coat, hung it on a brass hook in his small closet in the hallway, and shuffled into his "bedroom." There was no bed in it; there were only a few mirrors, a poster of Grace Kelly, and his wardrobe. On a table to the side were some pictures of him and Valkyrie and the rest.

Skulduggery pulled of his gloves and yanked off his scarf, placing them neatly in some drawers in a chest. He removed his tie and hung it on a hanger and placed it into his wardrobe. He shut the doors quietly and was beginning to iron his socks when he heard a loud thump coming from the closet. Skulduggery stopped and went to examine the noise.

He threw open the door and suddenly a tentacle shot out and grabbed him, pulling him into the yellow and hot abyss before he could even scream.

The appendage let go of him, and it slithered from his view before he could even chase it. Skulduggery sighed tiredly, shaking his head at whatever monster had gotten into his closet _this time_.

And then it hit him.

"No…No. No. This is…I refuse to even _begin_ to believe it!" he began shouting, pacing and throwing his arms to the sky. "This makes _no_ sense! How did the Faceless Ones portal move to my _closet_?"

There was suddenly a scream from a far way off.

Skulduggery paused, about to just ignore it and find a way to get out of there, but he suddenly heard someone shout, "Skulduggery! Help!"

"Valkyrie!" he shouted and charged off in the general direction of the scream.

Skulduggery ran and ran, feeling like he had been running for days and years and eons. And then, there, on the horizon, there was a black mass. He sped up, not caring that he was probably ruining his clothes. The huge black cloud rumbled like thunder, and Skulduggery heard a cold and cheerful laugh. He grunted and ran even faster, arriving at the dark cloud within a few minutes.

He pushed through the shadows and found himself in a plain clearing. The same hot and yellow sand was still there, only the whole place was shrouded in darkness.

"Hello there," a cold voice whispered into Skulduggery's ear.

Skulduggery shuddered, but stopped. He knew that voice. He suddenly lurched forward in pain, feeling his bones contract and expand.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie shouted.

Nefarian Serpine snarled and gripped Skulduggery's collar, hoisting him up and staring him in the eyes. "Someone is just asking for it," he merely mumbled, throwing him back on the ground. He pointed his red hand towards Valkyrie, who screamed and dropped to the ground in agony.

"Stop that!" a male voice shouted. They came bursting through the black smoke, and Serpine charged off, cursing this new figure.

Skulduggery scrambled away and wiped his hands on his face.

Wait.

He stopped to examine his hands through the vague darkness.

He…He had skin! He could breath! He had a heart!

The boy, probably no older than fourteen stooped down and helped up the newly fleshed Skulduggery. "You okay?" the teenager asked, steadying Skulduggery.

"I'm fine. Who a-" Skulduggery stopped short when he saw the boy's face.

His eyes were a chocolate brown; his hair was black as ink; he had high cheekbones with slightly tanned skin.

He was Skulduggery Pleasant's son.

Skulduggery staggered back, choking on his own breath. He almost began ranting when his own forest green eyes caught site of a slender woman.

She was marching determinedly up to Skulduggery and his son. She had frizzy and wild sandy blonde hair and the same chocolate brown eyes as the boy. Her face was round and heart shaped with full lips.

The wife of Skulduggery Pleasant was the exact opposite of him.

"Hello darling," she greeted him, kissing him on the lips.

Skulduggery stood shell-shocked, failing to comprehend the situation. He knew all of this much by fake. But…how could something from the imagination be so real? What was he doing there? How did he get there? How was his family alive?

Where was Valkyrie?

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery shouted, scanning the clearing for any sign of her.

"She left, it seems," Evangeline Falls murmured.

"You mean that girl all in black?" Damien Sea asked. "Mom, she's right over there."

He pointed across the way, and Skulduggery took off. He squinted through the shadows until he saw a crumpled and pathetic figure on the sand. He rushed to Valkyrie's side, cradling her head. Her eyes were closed, but she was still breathing.

"Valkyrie?" he whispered, ignoring Evangeline and Damien, who were sadly calling his name.

"Oh hey there," Valkyrie muttered weakly. "I'm dying."

Skulduggery shook his head vigorously. "No, you're just fine. We'll get out of…Wait…"

He stood up, letting go of Valkyrie.

"I'm just in my closet," he announced grandly. "This is all an illusion to trick me into thinking I'm actually in the Faceless Ones portal and that Valkyrie is dying."

"Dying?" Valkyrie suddenly asked. Skulduggery spun around, coming face to face with a fully alive and powerful Valkyrie Cain.

"Valkyrie? What's with the giant sword…" Skulduggery realized she had conjured a sword with her necromancy shadows. She swung it at him wildly, nicking his arm and drawing blood. However much he loved her, Skulduggery knew he had to incapacitate her. He was about to land a hit on her, but she suddenly lurched forward in pain. Valkyrie coughed and vomited and spat up her own blood. Behind her stood Serpine, with his red right hand outstretched.

"You can't stop the inevitable," Solomon Wreath suddenly whispered in his ear. "She'll become Darquesse, and you won't be able to stop it. Don't even try anymore."

Skulduggery reared around and glared hard at the necromancer. "Don't ever say that again. Valkyrie won't become your Messiah or your Savior. Stop saying that she will."

"But you _know_ that she will," China Sorrows said solemnly. "Just look at her, there, bleeding. Why aren't you helping her? Why aren't you, Skulduggery? Just sternly arguing with us won't change her unavoidable life. You know that nothing ever will. So, just like Solomon said, stop trying."

Skulduggery raised his strong fist and almost hit them both, but someone grabbed his collar and hoisted him away from the two.

Skulduggery unexpectedly found himself in a tranquil garden, his clothes changed, but his skin still there.

"Oh, I was expecting this," he mumbled sarcastically to himself, rolling up his shirt sleeves as he realized it was a hot and moist day. He kept walking along, pausing when he saw a figure dressed in black happily wave to him.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie called happily.

He sped up to her, trapping her into a hug. She laughed and blood from a whole in her chest squirted out like a river.

"Oh God," he mumbled, staring horrified at the wound. "What happened to you?"

"I died," she said sadly. "Actually…I think you killed me."

"W-What?"

"Yeah, it was all that Darquesse stuff. But I managed to get a hit on you, which is why you're missing a large chunk of yourself."

Valkyrie indicated to Skulduggery's side. He looked down and noticed that a large part of him had been badly damaged. Skin and meat and bones all poked out, and his warm blood stained his shirt.

"Am I dead?" he asked stupidly, staring around him. The grass and flowers were green and colorful and full of life. He…didn't expect Hell to look like this, really. On the horizon there was a large tree, and Skulduggery could see two people swinging on a tire swing attached to a branch. Valkyrie began walking, and Skulduggery caught up with her.

"Yeah, you're dead," she said when he asked the question again. "You killed me, so I decided I would kill you. I doubt we're getting a funeral. Well…the necromancers are probably burning my body like they did with Darth Vader at the end of the Star Wars movies. Your body will probably be dumped in the ocean."

"That's comforting," he mumbled.

Valkyrie shrugged. "Well…we can't all have everything we want."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You wanted me and for life to be perfect. I just wanted you. Because, pardon this comment, I kind of thought life was perfect with you," Valkyrie said quietly. "I'm sorry I…wasn't good enough for you."

Skulduggery stopped. "Valkyrie…you were absolutely perfect!"

"Really? Was I?"

"Was she better than I?" Evangeline Falls asked.

Skulduggery noticed they had walked all the way up to the tree with the swing. Damien Seas was sitting in the swing, with Evangeline pushing him.

"Was she better than I, the mother of your child?" she asked, louder this time.

"I didn't have a baby with you…" Valkyrie stared at the sky. "Perhaps you only love her. Maybe you'll only love her."

"No, I-"

"What am I, then?" Evangeline shouted. "I can go rot in Hell for all you care, then! What about your _son_? He barely knows you. We watch you. We watch you everyday. Everyday, I try and call out to you, and you never answer. Why don't you care about me anymore?"

"I do care about you," Skulduggery said. A part of him knew that this was a fake reality. The other part…knew this was real. Real somehow. Somehow.

"I hate you!" Valkyrie suddenly shrieked. She reached out and pushed Skulduggery to the ground. He fell without trying to defend himself. He stared up at his beautiful Valkyrie and his beautiful wife, undecided between the two.

"I love you," he simply said.

"Don't even," Valkyrie said. "We know what you try to do with us, and it won't work ever again. I hope we'll get to torture you for all of your terrible deeds someday."

"I'm not a bad person," he said, pleading slightly.

Evangeline sighed and shook her head. "Stop trying to defend yourself, dear." She leaned down and kissed his lips lightly, and then backed up. Damien hugged his father, but then sprinted away in the opposite direction. Skulduggery tried getting up and stopping him, but Valkyrie had bent down and was kissing him on the lips hard before he could move really.

"I'll never know how you feel about me," she said sadly, reaching and pushing Skulduggery. He flailed and shouted for the ladies to respond to him, but they simply stared.

Skulduggery fell backwards in a black hole, leaving that garden of sorts. His head hit something hard, and he registered he was in his own home again. He examined his hands, discovering that he was back to being a normal skeleton. He quickly shut the door to his closet before something else could grab him again. As he stood up, something dripped to the floor, and Skulduggery knew instantly what it had to be.

_Blood_.

The side of his shirt was stained with crimson, and was torn in places. He sighed, unsure of what he had just experienced, and decided that he would keep this ordeal a secret.

* * *

Hm. Am I revealing more about what is actually happening? I hope I am…XD

Hope you liked it and sorry for any mistakes! :D


	5. Ghastly

Ghastly Bespoke wearily locked the front door to his shop. He pulled the curtains closed in the front window, shut the lights off, and staggered up to his bedroom. He grumbled at his clock, noticing the late time. As much as he loved Tanith, Ghastly hated how she always kept him out late. He undressed and managed to slip on his pajama pants before suddenly stopping.

_Ring, ring! _

The bell on the door to his shop was…ringing?

Ghastly marched downstairs to see if it was an intruder, or just Tanith again. He examined the bell and door and window and saw no sign of a forced entry. He jiggled the handle to the door, but it was locked. Ghastly sighed, ruling out the incident as something of his imagination. He walked up the stairs and stepped on something wet. Ghastly looked down in shock and was taken aback.

Blood!

He grimaced and stepped over the puddle. He know knew there was something in his house, and he was _way_ too tired to deal with it.

He followed the trail of blood, finding it led to his bedroom. The door and handle had traces of the red substance. Ghastly pushed open the door delicately, shouting in surprise when a black blade lodged itself in his arm. He looked at his attacked and shouted again.

A beat up and bloody Valkyrie Cain slouched before him, clutching a wound on her chest.

"I'll kill him, and I'll kill you," she was muttering, staring at him menacingly.

"Valkyrie, I-"

She shot daggers of blackness at him, but he managed to dodge them. Valkyrie wheezed and coughed, and more blood pooled out of her chest.

"Skulduggery did this to me," she said. "He has killed me; I killed him and left his pathetic shell for the vultures."

Ghastly frowned. "I think you need some rest, Val-"

"Stop calling me that!" she shrieked.

"What else am I supposed to call you?"

"Don't be an idiot, Ghastly. Don't play like you don't know."

"But I don't."

Valkyrie's eyes grew wide as she vomited up her own blood. "No one has called me Valkyrie for years," she panted. "Only Darquesse."

Ghastly stepped back in shock, unsure of what she meant. Valkyrie suddenly puked again, and she fell to her knees, clutching her head.

She screamed, "It wasn't supposed to end like this! I was supposed to live and you were supposed to die! Who else could you live for? They're all dead! China, Kenspeckle, Fletcher! All dead!"

Valkyrie, or Darquesse, convulsed, her body over taken with her sobbing. Ghastly bent down next to her, placing his hand on her back. "What happened to you?" he asked softly. "Why do you have to do this? You're a good person! You don't need to die! Why didn't you listen when I told you to stay away from this? Why, Valkyrie? There's nothing good in this world!"

He looked down at her. Valkyrie's face was tear-stained and bloody. She merely shook her head and collapsed into a heap. Ghastly stared in shock, not knowing whether he should believe what just happened. He relaxed his body, thinking, and fell backwards so he was sitting. He laid his hands flat on the ground, but suddenly shot up. He stood and stared at a cold and pale hand sticking out from under his bed. He gripped the hand and pulled.

Little by little, the body of Tanith Low was pulled from under Ghastly Bespoke's bed.

Ghastly simply stared.

"Oh shoot, did I do that?" Billy-Ray Sanguine asked.

Ghastly whirled around to stare at the murderer. "What have you done?"

"No need to get all cliché with me!" He held up his hands in mock surrender. "But really, it's better she's dead. It's not like she was really happy with you; Tanith needs a real man, like me. You couldn't offer anything."

Ghastly rose an eyebrow. "Shut up," he growled. "I will arrest you right here, right now."

"Oh yeah, you're that official guy over at that Sanctuary…Hm, that was a stupid decision. Why did they elect you? It's not like you're a good leader or anything. I mean, you couldn't save the woman you love; how are you supposed to save a whole dang country?"

Ghastly stuttered, trying to find the words, but eventually just decided the best thing was to use his fists. He swung a punch at Sanguine, who ducked and jabbed Ghastly in the ribs with his fingers.

"Don't try messin' with me," Sanguine sung cheerfully, pulling out his straight razor and waving it around.

Ghastly grunted and almost aimed another punch at Sanguine, but someone grabbed his arm and stopped him. He turned and stared at Tanith and the black veins spreading from her lips and down her neck, disappearing down under her blood-stained shirt.

"Wh…What happened to you?"

"I've just gotten far greater and stronger, Ghastly," Tanith the Remnant replied. "And, I've got my man back."

She pushed past him and wrapped her arms around Sanguine tightly, planting a gross and disgusting kiss on his face. Ghastly cringed at the site and looked away. When he looked back, Sanguine and Tanith were gone. He looked at the ground for Valkyrie's body, preparing to face it and tell Skulduggery about it. But…the body wasn't there…

The slice on his arm where Valkyrie stabbed him was still there. The blood that she had vomited had been left there.

Ghastly wondered what had just happened but knew that he would do everything to make sure no one ever found out about it.


	6. Reveal

Last chapter. I had fun with this :)

* * *

Ghastly Bespoke sat tensely, sipping coffee almost mechanically. He stared at his washing machine, which had the blood soaked rags that he used to clean up the mess of blood that had been left in his home that previous night. He listened as the bell to his door chimed, and he watched Tanith Low march into his kitchen.

"Hi," she said evenly, studying him hard.

"Good morning," Ghastly said, getting up swiftly and enveloping her into a tight hug. Normally she would laugh and kiss his cheek, but instead, her arms wrapped around his neck too.

"I missed you," Tanith said quietly. "I wish I had stayed with you last night. I slept awful last night."

Ghastly froze up a little, debating about what to say next. "I wish you had stayed here too," he eventually muttered. "It was lonely without you."

She smiled at him. Tanith suddenly turned around at the sound of a _Pop_!

Fletcher Renn stood in the kitchen, smiling sheepishly. "Hi guys," he murmured, giving a half-hearted wave and shuffling around.

"Hey there, Fletcher," Tanith said, running and hugging him too. He sighed and hugged her back.

"Everything alright?" Ghastly asked.

Fletcher didn't answer right away; he wondered if anyone had experienced something similar to what he had gone through last night. "Yeah, I'm fine," he finally said. "Just…a weird night, I guess. I had a weird dream."

"Where's Valkyrie? And Skulduggery?"

Fletcher shrugged. "I called Valkyrie this morning, but she didn't pick up. I don't know about Skulduggery."

They all sat around in silence, drinking the coffee that Ghastly made for them. After maybe an hour, they heard the soft roar of the engine of Skulduggery's Bentley. The door to the shop opened and Skulduggery and Valkyrie stepped in. Valkyrie looked a little wary and confused, while Skulduggery kept his body tensed; he stood up straight like a plank of wood.

"Hello," he greeted them.

"Morning," Fletcher said, giving a wave. "You guys look a little worse for wear."

"Rough night of no sleep for either of us," Valkyrie replied sleepily, scratching her head and fluffing her hair. "Ghastly, what happened to your arm? And your arm, Tanith? Fletcher, your face?"

The three stuttered for a moment, all trying to think of excuses.

"I just…cut myself with some…scissors," Tanith said lamely, shrugging.

Ghastly nodded. "I accidentally jammed my shirt in my machines, so then I cut myself on the needle trying to get free."

"I…papercut my face," Fletcher added, stroking the wound on his cheek.

"How did you get those bruises on your arm?" Tanith asked Valkyrie.

Valkyrie rubbed the black and blue spots on her arms, thinking of her own excuse. "I guess I must have missed them while getting fixed up. I'll get Kenspeckle to look at it."

They all nodded, accepting each others' stories, but remaining a tad suspicious about everything.

They all sat around in silence, drinking coffee and thinking hard about what had happened to them each. That is, until there were loud and clunking footsteps heard on the stairs.

Everyone rushed into the main room, recoiling as a tall and lean man descended the stairs. He had dark brown hair, slicked back with hair gel. His eyes were equally brown, with a creepy beady look about them. His skin was pale but not an unhealthy pale color. He was wearing a suit more commonly seen in the 1800s. His pants were black, with a suit jacket that was the color of an evergreen tree going down to his knees. He had black gloves on and a smirk.

"Sleep well, everyone?" he merrily asked, looking smug.

"Who are you?"

"Fever Gray, the Nightmare Extraordinaire," he said. "Doesn't it have a nice ring to it? Speaking of rings, I should have known you had that bell there, sir." He gestured to the shop door and the bell.

"Get out of here," Ghastly said lowly, glaring at Fever hard.

He held up his hands. "Alright, I will, my goodness. Just…give me a minute."

He brought his hands together and folded them like in prayer and swept them around in the air grandly. Suddenly, seven people stood behind Fever Gray, all staring at the group.

There was a menacing looking Darquesse, who had a gun drawn, and was pointing it at Valkyrie.

Crossfire Lost and Ivory Frost stood together, holding hands, and looking harshly at Fletcher.

Billy-Ray Sanguine was chuckling quietly, watching Tanith with his eye-holes.

Evangeline Falls and Damien Seas looked at Skulduggery sadly.

And finally, Tanith the Remnant stared down at Ghastly, the black veins spreading across her face and body rapidly.

"Look at this, everyone," Fever Gray said, sweeping his arm around and gesturing to the new people. "Look at your fears. Look at what everyone fears the _most_.

"You, miss," he said, addressing Valkyrie, "fear your evil and corrupt self, bent on killing everyone you've ever loved and everyone who has ever crossed you. You don't want to be evil, but you're afraid that someone has already decided your gruesome fate. How unfortunate. And you can't help but worry you're not liked; quite a pathetic fear, I admit. I suppose everyone just wants to be loved though…

"And you, sir," Fever said to Fletcher, "your dead parents. You think that in their after life, they are damning you for living and for your life. They're like every parents out there: they are disappointed in their children. You apparently threw out your life when you broke up with this evil girl. What will you do? Will you let them rule you and haunt your life for as long as you live? They're getting to you. You can't handle that they _hated_ their own son.

"Madame, you're quite interesting," he announced, talking to Tanith. "The four most important people in your life. Three of them out to kill you and haunt you, and the other who loves you dearly. He can take care of himself, can't he? He doesn't need your protection, no way. Oh, but he wants to protect you. Tell me, do you really love him? Would your prefer this southern man over your northern man? What is it? Your dreams are haunted by your injuries and pain and suffering and love.

"You, Mr. Skeleton," Fever said to Skulduggery, "your fears are the most personal, I believe. Everyone is afraid of losing their loved ones. You're afraid of your loved ones hating you for their death. Do you feel you couldn't save them? You were utterly hopeless as you watched them die. Seeing the look on your face as you slowly came to the realization that nothing can ever can be happy for you was one of the crowning moments of this whole affair, I have to admit. Everyone you love will someday turn against you. Pity…

"Lastly, sir," he said, getting to Ghastly, resting his gloved hands on his shoulders, "the two girls who have ever loved you are dead. The evil girl killed by your best friend; your best friend killed by the evil girl. You've done everything in your power to protect here; you converted yourself to a statue for her! And she just died. She still ended up a corrupt girl, with no future, except a bleak and, well, dead one. And your relationship with this lady. She's beautiful, admittedly, but does she really love you? You may comfort yourself with the fact that it's simply a Remnant inside of her, forcing her to hate you and hurt you. But really. It's her own accord. She has no feelings for you."

Fever Gray stood back and surveyed the scene. The seven figures he had conjured up were now shaking their heads sadly at them all.

"Why are you doing this?" Skulduggery asked Fever, his head tilted to study him.

Fever shrugged. "I'm not doing anything. These are just figments of your imaginations, yet they're real. The mind can do such amazing things, can't it?"

"I've heard of you," Skulduggery said. "I've heard of people going insane because of their worst nightmares coming to life; even dead loved ones coming back."

"We're not dead," Evangeline Falls snarled. "We keep calling out to you, but you're too busy running your hands all over this evil girl."

Valkyrie took a step back. "It's not my fault Skulduggery managed to get over you. You don't even look that special. He's always going on about how great and fantastic you were."

"That's why I killed him!" Darquesse joined in, still not wavering her gun. They looked at each other, but Valkyrie couldn't stand seeing herself like that.

"Why didn't you kill my son?" Crossfire Lost asked loudly. "He's utterly worthless."

"Gladly," Tanith the Remnant said, brandishing her sword, with Sanguine joining her.

"This kid has gotten just as annoying as stupid Valkyrie," he grumbled, waving his straight-razor.

Fletcher sucked breath, recoiling as they began advancing on him. And then suddenly, Ghastly came from the side and delivered a back-handed slap on Tanith the Remnant's face. She snarled in pain and fury, swinging her sword over and almost slicing Ghastly's arm off, but he managed to dodge and roll away. Fletcher shook his head, clearing it from the nasty little thoughts. He reached and grabbed a staple gun and began waving it around like a madman.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery had taken on their fears. Darquesse was stabbing at Valkyrie with shadow after shadow, while Evangeline and Damien kicked and punched at Skulduggery. His mind was focused on nothing but getting rid of these living nightmares; he knew these people were not his deceased family. He still wasn't sure how they came to be and how Fever Gray was creating these illusions.

Ghastly fought and battled Tanith the Remnant, but she was beginning to overtake him. She almost drove her blade into his chest, but Sanguine was sent hurtling into her. Ghastly looked up at Tanith, breathing heavy, gripping a sewing machine tightly. She chucked it at Tanith the Remnant and stole her sword, flicking it about in the air.

There was suddenly a great crash as Skulduggery slammed Evangeline Falls into one of Ghastly's tables. She screamed in pain, staring in horror and agony at the piece of shrapnel that Skulduggery then rammed through her.

Someone else shouted with pure fury.

Skulduggery watched as the nightmares that everyone was fighting disappeared into clouds of smoke, only to be replaced with pitch black Dobermans. They began barking and jumping around like mad.

"Fever Gray's Dobermans," Fever Gray said grandly, though through clenched teeth. "My dogs…are special, if you couldn't tell."

Fletcher kept waving the staple gun at the two dogs that had been his dead parents. "They…turn into people?" he asked breathlessly.

"I have twenty dogs, all with this ability," Gray said. He began subtly inching over to the door, but Skulduggery noticed it.

Skulduggery grunted. "Valkyrie," he merely muttered. She nodded and quickly jumped over to Gray before he could escape and wrapped him up in deep black shadows. He shouted in frustration, wriggling and kicking against her binds. She pushed him over to a non-broken chair of Ghastly's and forced him to sit down. Skulduggery stood opposite him and tilted his head.

"How did you know our greatest fears?" he asked casually.

"I just know," Gray muttered angrily. "I simply need to send my dogs into wherever and they instantly know. However, it makes it easier when I'm able to watch my victims for a few days before I release my attack. Did you, Mr. Skeleton, sense anyone watching you as you said goodbye to the evil girl last night?"

"Can't say I did."

"Well, I was watching. I had been following you for a few hours. As soon as you left, I went around the side of the house and forced one of my dogs up the side and into the room of the evil girl. He snuck in there and that began it all."

"My window was open, even though I had closed it," Valkyrie said. "Um, D-Darquesse emerged from my closet."

"My parents came from there too," Fletcher said.

Tanith nodded. "My…attackers came from the three closets in my apartment."

"The Faceless Ones portal was in my closet," Skulduggery added.

"I don't have a closet, yet they came from under my bed," Ghastly muttered, confused.

Fever Gray nodded and smirked. "My dogs, without my presence, can only form the fears of the victims in two places: a closet, or under the bed. However, since I am here, they are able to roam and attack wherever they can. Make sense?"

"Sadly."

"I may be the evil guy in this situation, but you have to admit that I'm creative. Besides, who was expecting to see their deceased loved ones last night? Or their greatest enemies?"

Fletcher frowned and held the staple gun steady, aiming it at Fever Gray. "I will staple your mouth shut if you don't keep quiet."

Gray didn't respond. He merely nodded and then suddenly strong arms reached up and grabbed Fletcher's neck. He struggled, but was suddenly thrown backwards, his back slamming into the floor. He stared at Valkyrie, however it was a Valkyrie with bloodstained teeth and wild eyes.

"V-Vampire…" Fletcher muttered. He watched Caelan emerge from the corner, his face as bloodstained as Valkyrie's. Caelan smirked, flashing his fangs. Valkyrie the Vampire clicked her teeth together, about to pounce on Fletcher, but something collided with her head and sent her sprawling forward.

Valkyrie growled picked up another of Ghastly's sewing machines, launching it at Caelan and grinning in satisfaction when it hit his forehead and he stumbled back. Valkyrie the Vampire let out a cry of fury, whipping around to face Valkyrie. Tanith charged towards Caelan, ramming her sword through his chest, watching as he merely looked down at his wound. He shook his head and immediately turned into a plain black figure. A Remnant. Tanith whimpered, becoming afraid of it almost instantly. The Remnant was simply walking forward, brining out its arm to block Tanith's blows. Tanith gasped when she suddenly ran into something.

"Don't be afraid," Ghastly whispered in her ear. "Don't be afraid."

Tanith gave an uneasy laugh, suddenly swooping down and kicking the Remnant's legs from under him. Before he could block her attack, Tanith rammed her sword into his chest. He screamed and suddenly was gone, replaced by a dog.

Valkyrie the Vampire was beating Valkyrie down easily. Her claws swiped across Valkyrie's cheek, and she gasped in pain, feeling warm blood run down her cheek. Fletcher watched this, grabbed his staple gun and conked Valkyrie the Vampire on the head. Tanith called out to him, throwing her sword in his direction. Fletcher miraculously caught it, stabbing Valkyrie the Vampire through the chest. She screamed too, disappearing and reappearing as a dog.

"Would you _stop _that," Valkyrie angrily asked Fever Gray.

He shrugged. "It's fun. It's what I do. Would you stop doing the thing you love if I just _asked_ you? Would you stop loving Mr. Skeleton?"

Valkyrie glared. "Why are you here? Did anyone send you?"

Fever Gray shook his head, but then suddenly stopped. "Well, technically, no one sent me. Though I was talking to a really big and smelly man, who was very loudly complaining about a skeleton and a dark haired girl and all their stupid friends. Now naturally, Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain, I've heard of you. What baddie hasn't heard of the tales of you two beating and destroying some of the roughest and toughest guys out there?"

"How come you haven't used our names, then?" Valkyrie asked.

He shrugged. "I like referring to you as 'evil girl'. It's fun."

Skulduggery sighed. "Oh yes, barrels. This is the most fun I've had."

"Isn't it?" Evangeline Falls asked silkily, her mouth right where his ear would be.

Skulduggery stiffened only slightly at her voice. He turned to face his dead wife, tilting his head. "It's sad to see you like this."

"She's not real," Valkyrie said, coming up behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just…kill her."

She pressed a piece of sharpened wood into his hand from the coffee table that was broken previously. Skulduggery stared at the weapon, unsure suddenly. Would his _real_ wife and child who had to be watching him from somewhere…would they think bad of him? Skulduggery shook his head and almost rammed the wood through Evangeline's chest, but he stopped at the now two figures standing before him. He watched in awe and vague dismay at the displays of affection Solomon Wreath was showing a very sickly looking Valkyrie Cain.

"That's a really weird fear," the real Valkyrie said from behind Skulduggery.

"Well in that scenario you're Darquesse," he replied, staking both of them through the hearts quickly and cleanly.

Valkyrie smiled but then turned back to Fever Gray. "I think someone needs to be taken to a cell over at the Sanctuary," she said happily. "Get rid of your dogs or we'll use some _really_ mean interrogation methods."

Fever Gray pursed his lips but nodded and sighed a moment later. "Alright, they've been sent away. I promise they won't follow us along to your headquarters or whatever it is."

Valkyrie gripped his one arm, and Skulduggery grabbed the other side. They hoisted him up, letting the remaining three get the door and start the Bentley. Tanith, Ghastly, and Fletcher sat up in the front while Skulduggery and Valkyrie sat on either side of Fever Gray.

After dumping him off at the holding cells at the Sanctuary, the five filed out of the building. Tanith and Ghastly walked close together, their hands intertwined with each others. Skulduggery had his arm draped over Valkyrie's shoulders, while Fletcher shuffled along behind them all; Valkyrie saw him out of the corner of her. She ducked out from Skulduggery, who understood her intention quickly.

Valkyrie stepped back and fell into pace with Fletcher. "You alright?"

He shrugged. "I'm just thinking, really."

"That can't be good."

"Oh, shut up."

Valkyrie laughed and said, "I'm just kidding. But really, Fletcher, don't let this get to you. It's not like all that was real."

"Oh, but it felt like it."

"I know," she replied quietly. "It scared me seeing what I'd become. I freaked out seeing Skulduggery afraid of his wife and kid hating on him. What…Why do you fear your parents so much?"

"They didn't really care about me," Fletcher answered. "I have some happy memories from when I was younger, but when I hit those teenage years, they began forgetting about me. My mom and dad had their own hunting agency, sort of. They were like you and Skulduggery: partners who looked for evil guys. Simple. They really loved each other, and then all that _love_ resulted in me, the Accident Baby. I like to think that when I was younger they loved me and cared for me and all that good stuff, but when I grew up…they barely talked to me at all."

Valkyrie was quiet for a few moments. "You're afraid your parents hate you so much they'd want you dead?"

Fletcher shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

Valkyrie gasped quietly. She slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. "Well, we'll always be there for you," she added with a smile.

"Wow, that wasn't cliché in the slightest!" Fletcher responded, shaking her off, smiling. Valkyrie laughed and punched his arm and ran away from him and tackled Skulduggery from behind. He regained his footing a moment later as he gave Valkyrie a kiss on her cheek. Fletcher smiled at them.

He stepped out of the wax museum and jogged to catch up to everyone getting into the Bentley. He almost squeezed in the back with everyone else, but he noticed someone staring at him from across the street. His own eyes caught site of the tall man with the dark coloring and the shorter woman with the lighter coloring. Crossfire Lost and Ivory Frost glared back at their son harshly, nodding once before they disappeared from sight.

"Fletcher, I'm going to start driving," Skulduggery said to him.

Fletcher Renn shook his head and shut the Bentley's door. He pressed himself into the little bit of room left for him, wondering what had just been real and what had just been fiction.

* * *

Hm. That's all I gotta say for this one.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and encouragement! It's great that you'll still read the weird stuff that I post. This didn't turn out to be one of those big epic looong stories, but I didn't want it like that. I'm fine the way this one was.

Thanks everyone for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


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